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WALKED INTO THE BREAK ROOM AT WORK AND “GOLDEN GIRLS” IS ON. IMMEDIATELY BECAME SUSPICIOUS THAT THIS WAS SOME SORT OF “LEVEL-OF-WORK-ETHIC” TEST FROM UPPER MANAGEMENT THAT I’M CERTAIN TO FAIL... 🤔

I DON’T MEAN TO ALARM ANYONE BUT I AM ON A BUS RIGHT NOW AND IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE ON HERE MAY HAVE RECENTLY SMOKED A MARIJUANA CIGARETTE.

I used a blue ball point pen on a manila paper

IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH BLACK FOLKS CELEBRATING THEIR BLACKNESS, YOU MIGHT BE A RACIST PIECE OF SHIT AND BY “MIGHT BE” I MEAN YOU “DEFINITELY ARE”.

I WON’T BE JUDGMENTAL OF KAREN MCDOUGAL FOR BEING A PLAYBOY MODEL BECAUSE THAT’S SOME GOOFY, MISOGYNISTIC SHIT TO DO BUT I WILL BE JUDGMENTAL OF HER FOR TELLING ANDERSON COOPER SHE VIEWS TRUMP AS “BRILLIANT” AND SAYING SHE “LIKES SMART MINDS”.

Got to meet someone who supposedly represents me today. Not for much longer, though! #BetoForTexas Senator Ted Cruz Beto O'Rourke

オフィス横の桜並木。 見事な桜トンネルになってました。 #桜 #桜並木 #桜のトンネル #JAPAN #TOKYO #SAKURA

To a toddler: Aye what you got in your hand? Toddler:

CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS I’VE HAD JUST PINING FOR THIS HEADLINE TO APPEAR ON MY TL. TONIGHT I’LL SLEEP LIKE A BABY. x.com/wsj/status/978…

SORRY ABOUT THE EXCESSIVE SWAG I HAD IN 1990. SHIT WAS SO EXCESSIVE THEY COULDN’T SPELL MY NAME CORRECTLY.

AMAZON IS OUT HERE SUGGESTING A FUCKING DENIM NEWSEY HAT TO ME AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO OFFENDED IN ALL MY LIFE, THNX.

ME WHENEVER I READ ABOUT A WHITE SUPREMACIST DYING:

TALKING ABOUT “SMEARING MILLIONS” BUT GONNA WAKE UP TO DOG SHIT SMEARED EVERYWHERE BY SUDDENLY SWITCHING TO A NEW DOG FOOD. HAVE FUN! 💩 x.com/phillyspecials…

GOOD FRIDAY DAD RAPS 4 THAT A$$🍑😳