🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

I've spent the morning trimming my clematis. #notaeuphemism

Interviewing Robin Asquith on the @WandsworthRadio tomorrow morning with Carpet Martin Anyone got any questions they'd like answered?

I need to iron my green screen. Does anyone have a 6m by 3m ironing board?

I've just called my plumber. He is called Christopher. This amuses my greatly.

It's like old times...

THURSDAY NIGHT! Come and have a laugh The Wheatsheaf Tooting with: 🤣 Adam Bloom ✨ @HelenBaBauer 🎸Jon Long 🧜‍♀️ PAULO EDUARDO 👑 Nicola Houghton 🍆 Ant Dewson 😎 Rachel Wheeley bit.ly/CatWApril

How do I log out of Twitter?

I have been dog-sitting for a 9 month old puppy for the last two weeks. He has destroyed one sleeping bag, many towels, countless shoes, the garden, two bins, three pairs of trousers, one pair of glasses... and any desire I ever had to get a puppy.

3 DAYS: Thursday 19th Carl Donnelly , Nicola Houghton , Rachel Wheeley , Ant Dewson are The Wheatsheaf Tooting TICKETS: eventbrite.co.uk/e/comedy-at-th…

Who's having an 80s indie afternoon? This charming man...

I was expecting 17.4 million people to watch my video. Can you guess what it's about? youtube.com/watch?v=qA9whK…

What Caroline said about the sensitive disposition thing...

On BBC Radio London at 10.15 tonight with Carpet Martin We're meant to be talking about the news. Has anything happened this week?

3 DAYS: 8:00pm - Nicola Houghton, Rachel Wheeley, Ant Dewson, @fionaridgewell, Vic Vega & Mandy Muden will be at Wheatsheaf SW17 Supp for Comedy at the Wheatsheaf in #Tooting TICKETS: eventbrite.co.uk/e/comedy-at-th…

4 DAYS: 8:00pm - @elf_lyons, Matthew Highton, Joz Norris, Rachel Wheeley, Nicola Houghton & Ant Dewson will be at Wheatsheaf SW17 Supp for Comedy at the Wheatsheaf in #Tooting on 20th February. TICKETS: eventbrite.co.uk/e/comedy-at-th…

This afternoon I have been painting my back bedroom. #notaeuphemism

My Polish neighbour is playing his bongos in the garden. I am suddenly in favour of #Brexit

I'm having a country music afternoon y'all.

I just tried to text "miserere nobis" to a friend (don't ask why) and predictive text changed it to "miserere knobs" This is my favourite thing that has happened today... and possibly ever.

I think the Amazon algorithm might be broken. The last book I bought was To Be Someone by Ian Stone ON TOUR 2024 Now they're recommending The Meaning of Mariah Carey?!?