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At the sharp end

From 6 days ago...

Ukraine will cease and Russia will fire.

25 Mar 1974: Larry Adler has offered me £35 to tell a boring and disgusting story about President Nixon. I apologise to readers, but here it is: Mr Nixon was advised to be circumcised. The appointed mohel said he could not do it, explaining "There is no end to this prick".

The IEC got it wrong with IEC 60027-2. Allowing so-called "binary" prefixes allows storage manufacturers to get away with fraud. 1 terabyte is 1,099,511,627,776 bytes, not 1,000,000,000,000 bytes. The storage manufacturers are short-changing us, and the IEC allowed it to happen.

Lenin discovering Alexander Kerensky has accidentally added him to the Provisional Government group chat.

A girlfriend of mine 20 years ago is the voice of a mobile network provider. I'm a customer of that provider. Every time I call my answering service I hear her voice telling me what to do and how I should go about it. It's like I never left her. And I adore the nostalgia.

Hilariously, investigating police threw up a forensics tent around the crime scene. It was a pink tent, which makes you wonder if the filth have a range of colours for such sheeting, varying on the campness of the incident. ✍️ Gareth Roberts buff.ly/ztCWeI5

I have a completely historically accurate cartoon in the current Private Eye.

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Men who wear jogging bottoms when catching a flight are lowest of the low. Travelling by plane is no reason to dress like a toddler.

How AI thinks the '80s looked vs how the '80s looked.

26 Mar 1985: Nobody is interested in conservatives and socialists any more and even the class war has lost its edge. I think the country should divide into supporters of Princesses Anne and Diana. Then we can fight a civil war on that basis.

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Once again, the government is taking a sledgehammer to civil liberties to get tough on crime when we know that the solutions to our policing crisis hinge on willpower and action. ✍️ Alexander Baker buff.ly/BLZtDUP

Watching your cat or dog watch your TV is better than actually watching anything on TV

Wouldn’t want a £20 fine.

Every single person who takes the Waterloo and City line is a moron. You get a choice of a half-hour stroll through a beautiful city or waiting 20 minutes to get in a crowded room and play "try not to sniff the armpit" for ten minutes, and you choose the armpits every morning?