. wsmco Dammit! I signed up for $LNKD last week and now there's about 40 mongooses stalking me.

Newt Gingrich signing a pledge to "defend marriage" is like Honey Badger signing a pledge to defend cobras. #GOP #p2

This video is a must see for reptile lovers: bcove.me/cn80bcvh

Obviously, I #walkwitmahtits (Snakes don't wear *ANY* clothes)

Big deal. The animals talked. I talk every day, don't I? #christmas

Not going out on NYE. Probability of getting stepped on is 100% #snakeproblems

Good news #NYC! All 400 of my sisters are pregnant! #beveryafraid

. Bronx Zoo's Cobra Hey Mom! You got a shout out here: synd.imgsrv.uclick.com/comics/kl/2012…

Staying in my hole tonight. Don't want drunks stepping on me.

That thing in the Ten Commandments movie where the stick turns into a snake. I like to jump out of somebody's TV when that happens.

I talked to some sea snakes in the Arabian Sea and they're expecting some kind of treat for the anniversary.

I wanted to lick President Obama when he came to NYC last night but I got stepped on so many times I now look like a flatworm.

Very nice weather in #NYC today if you're an Egyptian cobra.

I love sneaking up on humans on a day like today and licking them. Salty and delicious. #Saltysnacks

I licked dozens of humans today for National Kissing Day but none of them seemed to appreciate it.

I will not go to London unless someone assures me that tug-of-war is not an Olympic sport.

I think this guy is on something. i.imgur.com/7gZ5m.png