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You don't have to travel to see the world now. The whole world lives in your homeland now.

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.

🇨🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿LucyMostJuicy🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇭© I knew a gay bloke who got killed lighting a bonfire. He went up in a poof of smoke

Your veterinarian won't tell you this... But if your dog is running a fever, go to the shops and buy it some mustard. It's the best thing for a hot dog.

The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing... So I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month!

I went to collect my Dracula costume, ready for Halloween... They handed me a Manchester United FC football shirt instead. I explained, "Sorry, you must have misheard me, I wanted to dress as a COUNT!"

I had to end my friendship with Dracula... He was a pain in the neck.

We are standing for the women and girls of this country who don’t feel safe going about their day. Mass immigration is making women unsafe in the UK. We’re here to stop this.

It's very well known that all Arsenal supporters are gay. 🤓

🤣😂🤣😆😂🤣

To sit her down and tell her to listen to you! That should do it guys., give it a go...😉👍

A coma in a sentence can make a huge difference... For instance: “Let’s eat, Frank.” Has a completely different meaning from: “Frank is in a coma.”

😍

The real answer is this: Tell her that she needs sexual intercourse immediately, or she will risk getting even rattier! Guaranteed to do it, probably! 😆

🇨🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿LucyMostJuicy🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇭© We all know women think they can multi-task, but it simply isn’t true. I once told my wife to shut up and sit down and she couldn’t do either…

🇨🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿LucyMostJuicy🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇭© Dad says to his boy, “What do you want to be when grow up, son? The boy replies. “An astronaut. I want to be shot out into space.” Dad smiles and says, “If I hadn’t met your mum at the disco the night you were conceived you would have been…”

I found a better one, 'Sit down, love, you sound like your mother'. 😆

No law, just fight what needs to be fought when I must.

''You were only supposed to put the bloody kettle on''. 🤣