The commentator on the #CRYLIV match is having multiple orgasms about Liverpool scoring in the 20th minute. Have a cold shower and a cigarette, love.

There seems to be more mosquitoes than ever this year. What’s going on?

Very sad to read that Claire’s is on the brink of collapse. I got my ears pierced there in the 80s and my daughter’s in the 10s. What High Street staple will be next to go I wonder?

Happy Clarkson’s A Level tweet day to all who celebrate.

Rather than Greta Thunberg leading a humanitarian mission to Gaza, why doesn’t the Pope do it? The Israelis won’t harm him - after all his boss was king of the Jews - and it will mean that much needed aid will get to the people of Gaza. Come on holy father, show some compassion.

Imagine being a generational talent and ending up playing Moyesball at Everton. What has happened to Jack Grealish? #EVEBRI