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I often wonder what it would be like if I didn't wonder what it would be like so much.

Accidentally wore a tie into Applebee’s and now I’m the manager

i wish we could shoplift online

On the tables?

Is there sex after death? Well, it mainly depends on the mortician.

I'm attracted to vagabonds. I'm hobosexual.

Premium beer

Festooning your testicles with glitter is pretty nuts.

I messed up a British recipe and ended up with something tasty and nutritious. 🤣

Imagine blocking me a long time ago and missing all this.

It’s true

Good night

49 out of 50 states are not OK

Sadly my fitness goals were stymied by the fitness goalie.

Back in my childhood we had a number you could dial to get the "atomic clock time." That's it. That's as "smart" as our phone got.

"I don't get it". A common phrase heard from people who get it.

At his moment of death, the pervert flashed before his eyes.

i'm a lot funnier in my head

1941 Americar Coupe was manufactured by Toledo Ohio based Willy’s-Overland Motors from 1939 until 1942.