last night I told my four year old I loved her and she said “I love you so much that if someone chopped your head off I’d carry it around forever in a bag”

The caption explains that the doormat says “gayest place in town”

I hear Republicans complaining about $20,000 in student debt forgiveness. Funny, I didn't hear those complaints when Trump declared bankruptcy 6 times & had $287 million in loans forgiven by big banks. The GOP l-o-v-e-s socialism for the rich, rugged individualism for the rest.

I cannot imagine having children. There were three days last week i was too lazy to feed myself and i was just cool with it. I’d be in jail.

Me as a teenager: once I am an adult, I will stay up as late as I want! Me as an adult: I’m going to tuck myself in at 9 pm, as a treat.

british people can finally stop faking their accent and talk normally

you're never too old to achieve your dreams. prince charles is 73 and he just got his first job.

my biggest financial mistake was being in 8th grade in 2009 when I should’ve been buying foreclosed real estate

10-year-old: Who's going to be the new queen? Me: They have a king now. 10: Well, that's a bad idea.

Put them kids back on zoom this traffic Is ridiculous

A short story of betrayal:

Can I come over. I got the zoomies and you have an open floor plan

Crumbl cookies wishes they could create this masterpiece

U got a smile that could light up the whole psych ward shordy

Somebody said NFL concussion protocol woulda let JFK back in the parade 😭😭😭😭😭

(me as a camel) ok one more straw would probably be fine