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The husband comes home with a scratch on his neck from his mistress, opens the door, and kicks the cat. The wife asks: -What happened to you, honey? -That son of a bitch cat scratched me... And the wife says: -Hit it harder, it bit my buttocks and gave me a hickey on my tit!

There are people who only went on one date, fell in love, and got married. Then there's you, in Season 6, Episode 35, Part 2

They finally made the perfect jam for my breakfasts... "BEER SPREADABLE"

-Him: Honey, I finally got the divorce 😘 ✅️✅️ -Her: That's great, honey, finally together 😘❤️ -Him: Yes, although she kept all the assets and the truck... but the important thing is being together ✅️✅️ Honey... ✅️ Are you still online? ✅️ "Stephanie blocked you"

A chat I stumbled upon: -Him: Honey, I have something to tell you 🙊 ✅️✅️ -Her: Me too. ✅️✅️ Him: I got your name tattooed 😍 (photo) ✅️✅️ -Her: I got back together with my son's father 😐

-How did I do on the exam, Teacher? -Well, so far, all you got right was the name and the date.

A woman asks on social media: "What can I drink to get pregnant? I've been trying and nothing..." Hortensia Galaviz responds: It's not drink it

¿Recuerdas cuando te uniste a X? ¡Yo sí! #MiAniversarioDeX

MY GYM ROUTINE: -Monday: Chest -Tuesday: Leg -Wednesday: Milanese -Thursday: Ham -Friday: Tamale 😜😉😅

If you haven't found your Adam or Eve yet, it's probably because you're the serpent.

In the Holy Bible, Jesus isn't shown inviting his disciples to the gym, but if to eat and to drink wine. Reflect...

-"My boyfriend is cheating on me." -"Which one? Antonio or Juan?" -"No, Manolo."

My life is a constant struggle 🤨 between my love for food and my desire to have a great body ☺️ Is WINNING: the food 🤭😁😅

-Me: Honey, the doctor prescribed me to have sex three times a day. -Wife: Great, let's start now! -Me: No, no, no, the doctor told me that nothing of home remedies.

FREE URINE TEST Go outside to pee: If ants gather, Diabetes If you pee on your feet, Prostate If you can't see it, Obesity If your hand hurts when you shake it, Osteoarthritis If you shake it more than 3 times, Parkinson's If you come back with your penis sticking out,Alzheimer's

Show me what you can do with those hands

I always wanted to study psychiatry, but eventually I realized I had more potential as a patient.

Waking up before the alarm clock is a level of adulthood I don't it wish on anyone.

The notice says: "Do not enter the pool with amorous intentions."

-Son: Dad, when did you know my mom was the one? Dad: When she got pregnant and your grandfather caught me at the airport.