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Not what I was expecting when I ordered a Kit Kat. 🤣🤣

Welp, there goes my weekend! 🤣

If you want to know how my week is going, I just took a pillowcase out of the dryer, put it over my head thinking it was a t-shirt, spent 15 minutes struggling to find the neck hole, then screamed "What is this, PANTS???"

I accidentally screwed up my life. Does anyone know if I can unplug it and plug it back in? 🤣🤣

I went to donate blood today, but they kept asking too many questions. Whose blood is this? Where did you get it? Why is it in buckets?

I just heard someone say that scabs are "nature's jerky." WHAT????? 🤣🤣🤣

Me, every damn morning. 🤣🤣🤣

Have you ever been in so much pain that you literally shake? That's me today. I guess I'll be crawling everywhere today because my feet are not working. I'm trying to be an adult and not cry, but damn...

I don't just say and do awkward things. I AM the awkward thing. 🤣🤣🤣

I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm shaking from this pain.

🤣🤣🤣 It's that kind of day today

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I'm delicious, but I don't give out free samples. 🤣🤣🤣

I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive. 🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣

My sister asked where Nicaragua is. I said it's in Central America. She said "Oh, so somewhere around Kansas?" I see a pole and body glitter in her future. 🤣🤣🤣

Me: "Love is an empty emotion in this black hole we call life" Reverend: "Maybe you shouldn't write your own wedding vows" 🤣🤣

Flies can get into my house through the tiniest of holes, then they buzz around my windows for days looking for an exit. Grow up. 🤣🤣

Morning, my Weirdo Army!

🤣🤣🤣