🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

Swag Enabler i’m from whoville and i say kill the grinch

Assassinating the 1% is going to become a tiktok trend that I fully support.

“I can’t believe that someone killed that CEO. This resonates with me because I will one day be a billionaire at risk of assassination.” - Lots of folk, today, it seems.

$5 says the shooter is in this lineup

Been getting freaky with an improviser. In retrospect “yes, and” is a bad safe word.

My shooter italian his gun go BURRATA

My comedy special premieres tonight on BBC Scotland at 10:30pm! Repeated on Friday 13th Dec at 11pm. Also available on iPlayer after the broadcast. Happy Christmas!

Guy I’m lost as hell I shouldn’t have bought this map

I like declining to tell a long story by saying “long story” because I know it’s a long story, but I also know that I’ll turn it into an even longer story because I just can’t shut the fuck up. This tweet could have been shorter.

opening kids letters to santa

Watching Joe Rogan speak was the first thing I did this year. This does not bode well.

Did you know that you can bite gold to see if it’s real? And did you know that not all gold is edible? Wild stuff, happy holidays. I’ll be at the hospital if you need me

God damn. OG Maco was a real one. RIP.

Do like Do horses know they’re wearing shoes?

Me doubling down about my girlfriend who goes to a different school:

Me: I’m playing chess, while the rest of these fools are playing checkers. Judge as the checkers tournament: Ok

I think the Costco Guy’s 15 minutes is up, but the Rizzler can turn this into a career. I also think the climate crisis will kill us all before he gets there, but I’m picking one hill to die on today.

david lynch forever

X can fuck off. Come find me on the other stuff. I’m always @cobinmillage because my name is weird.