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Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have asked Ellie if she’d be cool with including her hot cousin in a threesome.

You’ll never believe this, but I got hammered over the weekend and met Elvis. He’s alive! He’s been alive this whole time! This place is a zoo!

Bullshit.

Christ, it must be that time of the month.

What a miserable woman she must be.

Just had to listen to Linda bitching about Sydney Sweeney’s new American Eagle campaign. Yep, that figures. Hey, if loving Sydney Sweeney’s big, beautiful jugs is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

It doesn’t matter what station airs the big giveaway. I’ll call and stop it. I have the phone numbers for every station on TV. Let’s just hope Cochran doesn’t decide to stream it.

I never come quick, darling.

Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!!!

How do I pull down hot chicks like this that are half my age? Trade secrets.

It’d look better sitting on my face.

Fuck! That tree came out of nowhere!

Mixter can’t drink and doctor worth a shit.

Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!!!

She can play with my balls anytime.

Well, that’s gonna make handjobs a challenge.

Sad!

What a waste.

She needs me to console her.