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I went to a gym; they offered me free membership for life if I posed for a 'Don't let this happen to you' poster.

“Love has never left your heart when someone touches your soul.”

“I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators… I left early.”

All my parents told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom; “For three years my wife and I slept in bunk beds.”

“I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.”

“Scientists believe UFOs will visit Earth seeking out well-endowed, handsome men, hang on, there's someone at my door…”

“In a life filled with brief encounters, you are a perpetual feeling.”

“When passion overwhelms the essence of your being, you cannot resist the true purpose of living.” …

My love life’s terrible; women refer to my waterbed as the Dead Sea. I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay. I had to fast-forward through the boring bit at the beginning. “Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get crabs from buying a Barry Manilow album?” 🤔

“I used to think that I was a great lover until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma.”

“Witchery stemmed from woman’s insatiable desire.” …

Kissmyarse was a systematic, calculating Reptilian who posed the greatest threat to humanity. A satanist, warmonger who was above the law, his viral actions set the foundations for today's Global oppression.

“You may fade from being, but you left imprints on my soul.”

I was very naive sexually. My first girlfriend asked me to do missionary, and I f**ked off to Africa for six months. Dating Apps are the big thing nowadays. I joined eHarmony, but that didn’t work out well; they matched me with a parole officer. 😞

I was just reading that a man was caught in Meghan Markle’s bed, and they charged him with loitering in a public place.

“If you run over a pedestrian with an electric car… “Are you charged with battery?” 🤔

“A true gentleman is in a class all of his own, because he knows the value of a woman's heart.”

I asked the librarian if, “The library had books on paranoia?” She whispered, “They’re right behind you.” I’m naïve, I thought ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ was a movie about climate change. 🤔

“A silent longing suffered in silence, a love hidden in the shadows.”