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I have several photos I’ve taken of Bigfoot that proves his existence, but he’s crankin his hog in all of them and no one will publish them.

Happy birthday if it's your birthday today and if it's not your birthday today then fuck you !😘

This is the cutest video I've seen lately ❤️ (aminipotato | IG)

I was in the pub when the barmaid screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed—well, except one person

Slamming my laptop shut before anyone sees that I am once again browsing an alphabetical list of cheeses

The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

Kids today will never know the amusement of breaking an old thermometer, pouring the mercury in your hand and nvgrd vxzdr mmyu bvfryj

Did someone say beveragino?

Lol

Im not on twitter sorry

Takeaway fried chicken for tea lads!

Why do people say I'd love to be a fly on the wall during that conversation.If you were a fly you wouldn't be able to hear what they were saying 🤷‍♂️ No dick we meant questions about the job 😒

richard Vet maybe? Do flies go to the vets?

"Quick Get in loser there's no time to explain!"

These days.

Omg ! 😍

Me overdosing on your tasty tweets 😋