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I feel like the vibe of every doctor I go to is that they decided that day they don’t want to be a doctor anymore

If you want to talk in a British accent in America that’s fine but read me a bedtime story while you’re at it 😤

*the pope at the vatican* yeah italy isnt that different from chicago. we have this lake that is basically an ocean

HBOs power move would be to rebrand AGAIN and instead of Max it’s MEGHAN Boom hbo is trans everyone lives forever

Apparently ICE paid the bridge to hold its ground

100 Mexicans vs 1 bridge

Trumps obsession with building a wall to keep illegal immigrants out is actually so dumb. We never needed a huge wall all we needed was one bridge

I need a parental lock on sad songs past 8pm

you are sadly mistaken. Just because I saw an email doesn’t mean I read the email

one of the greatest headlines of our time

Whoever says “Love bombing is the worst thing you can do to someone” clearly has never gotten regular bombed

sometimes i get really confused by how much my parents genuinely enjoy talking about the weather but then I realized thats their social media

Best time to learn a new skill is 2:30am btw the new skill im learning is reading minds youre all fucked

i denied plans with a friend to go see a movie by myself called friendship

This Asian guy was waving to me on the street and when he got close he said sorry my mistake I thought you were my friend I said that’s so crazy I thought you were my friend

I wanted to learn how to read minds to learn how to ruin everyone’s minds but I think that would just ruin mine