THIS is TONIGHT at Caveat, 5PM and it's gonna be GREAT and you should COME ok BYE caveat.nyc/events/lets-ta…

When you tell your best girl what you mutter to yourself to keep from careening towards either wild self-aggrandizement or the worst pits of self-loathing and she goes and puts it on a pillow for you 🥹🥹🥹

His voice is ASMR torture porn

“Concept of a Plan” is gonna headline a lottttt metal fests in 2025

Ok but guess what they’re doing to pets in Shelbyville

Nobody: God: what if I locked bits of myself into billions of disappointing disintegrating skin suits most of whom hate each other's guts

If I’m gonna have to hear about 90’s band problems I would like my 90’s body back pls

Yeesh, Walmart, if you’re gonna use old punk graphics maybe get a consult with at least one old punk so you don’t do this

"We workshopped many ideas by which we might bring about your downfall, Mr. Mayor... But in the end, it was so simple—all we had to do was nudge a few circumstances into place and then watch while you fumbled the bag in your own apocalyptically dumb way." mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-let…

The Substance is essentially a live-action version of Meet the Feebles, do with that information what you wish.

Luke 12:15 “And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.”

Scene: I’m telling my daughter about what kids were like in 1989, when I was her age (12) Tug, aghast: “did kids have no concept of remorse for their actions? Had they never heard of a consequence?” 💀💀💀

I have this piece in today’s FLAMING HYDRA and BELIEVE ME this pub is so worth the sub, for reasons far beyond this: flaminghydra.com/issue-175/#pie…

.Miriam Jayaratna and I self soothed the morning after by doing a little short satire. newyorker.com/humor/shouts-m…

If you'd like a bit (or a lot!) of your #GivingTuesday to go towards supporting women + nb folks in comedy, St. Nell's is raising money to secure a second location. Read our appeal letter at stnells.com 💝

If it steps like a goose - 🤷🏼‍♀️