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Ticket sales have fallen off, so instead of the Days Inns we'd carefully chosen along the #circuit, we're sleeping in the van. Guitar case as pillow, ya know. Sucks, but it'll be a cool montage when they make a movie about us. Oh, but PLEASE don't tell my mom. She'd freak.#vss365

Man, my gramma's the best cook ever, so that's cool, cept when we stay there we gotta go to her church. They're pretty old-school I guess, like ladies all in long skirts and stuff, but one time, these guys from a snake-handling church came sneering, calling em #fundi lite.#vss365

To understand the magic of literature, consider that a 20th-century Jewish novelist from Coney Island can bastardize a 15th-century French poet and, context removed, come up with the purest imaginable expression of Welsh #hiraeth: "Where are the Snowdons of yesteryear?" #vss365

She flits by on #diaphanous wings, as I labor to flap my feathered ones, heavy and clumsy as an albatross'. I remind myself fae beauty standards aren't her fault; we're both victims of the patriarchy. And if Oberon had any sense, he'd realize that down makes a cozier nest.#vss365

I can't identify with the popular image of a witch, hunched over a boiling cauldron in a dank hovel. I soak up the sunshine on my garden swing, surrounded by the bright blossoms of foxglove, #oleander, and rue, smiling gently as I visualize the coming deaths of my enemies.#vss365

She stared up at the fireworks, enthralled. Her chocolate-smeared mouth hung open and she clenched the leftover stick of a #dilly bar in a sticky fist. I didn't tell her there'd be no treats like that where we were going. I didn't dare tell her what they were celebrating. #vss365

I thought by coming to university in America, I could shake the #tokoloshe who's stalked our family for generations. But last night I saw him, slouching maliciously across my dorm room. My roommate snored, startling him. What am I supposed to do here? Report him to my RA?#vss365

"Make it so no man can kill me. And no legalese loophole nonsense, hear!" When told about his death in that freak tsunami on his private island, the sorceress shook her head. "Pity he didn't exclude poetry-based #quibbles. Donne tried to warn him. 'No man is an island.'"#vss365

My son and his aide and I huddled over the worksheet that had tripped him up in class. With help and encouragement, he got it. My husband looked at our progress, sniffing. "Teaching tricks to a beast does not #ennoble it; it opens it to ridicule." Reader, I divorced him. #vss365

I have the happy news of sharing that Emily Soderberg has joined StormLiteraryAgency as my latest client. Her cozy mystery about a pet psychic is bursting with personality and fun, and of course, murder! Can't wait to send this out!

Hey, everybody! I'm so happy to get to tell you that I've signed with Michelle Hauck at StormLiteraryAgency! I'm so excited!

"How'd the date go?" "She was a #vision. Wispy, ethereal. The kind of beauty you just don't see in real life." "Sweet! So you scored? You dog!" "What? No, like I said, turns out she was a #vision. But I got my dosage adjusted again, so should be all good now." #vss365

Thrilled to share the news of a cozy mystery coming this fall from client Emily Soderberg ! HOW TO TALK TO YOUR DOG ABOUT MURDER is fun and lighthearted and just the sort of book to sink into a forget the world! (It's on NetGalley next week!) StormLiteraryAgency

I-Don't-Give-A-Shit Sherlock lounged at one side of the crime scene, his gaze glancing off a dozen possible clues, disregarding them all. "Well," asked Lestrade finally, "do you know who the murderer is?" The aloof sleuth shrugged and adjusted his deerstalker. "#Someone." #vss365

Still three days to go til payday, so I stuck to the basics. Total came to $20.02. I put the last of my money down; a ten, two fives, and a #single. Cashier grabbed the bigger bills, handed me back the one. "You should hang on to that. I mean, if you want my two cents." #vss365

I peel back the sheet metal #skin, which curls like the lid on a can of anchovies. Here at last is the hyperdimensional drive, the cause of so many wars, so much chaos. The similes are the worst, burrowing into your very thoughts. My dimension doesn't even have anchovies. #vss365

So excited to share the cover of Emily Soderberg upcoming book at Crooked Lane Books

"Oh my god, Jimmy! We're gonna die!" "Ay-yup, I do own we got ourselves into a bit of a #scrape." "A #scrape?! The cops are gonna shoot us!" "I've always meant to find out if I was allergic to lead." Epilogue: Shortly, Jimmy died of anaphylaxis plus a gaping bullet wound. #vss365

Goodreads giveaway! Enter to win a free copy of this super fun cozy mystery! goodreads.com/giveaway/show/…

Barnes & Noble preorder sale ends today! If you're looking to save money AND get a fun murder mystery starring a pet behaviorist and an old hound dog, today's your lucky day! barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-talk-… #bnpreorder