Gutted that Edinburgh Festival Fringe has been cancelled this year. On THIS the year that I a) had an 8pm slot at the pleasance grandé b) had both written and rehearsed my show ??? Arghh xx

Argh can’t decide whether to glow up or glow down during quarantine please please reply to let me know what we’re doing

Guys just wanna be the first to say it’s OK to be INCREDIBLY PRODUCTIVE during this period of isolation. I won’t be shamed anymore !!!!

My cousin’s step-mum works for the civil service and has said that they’re 100% gunna let hot people out of lockdown first

An actor in quarantine: - wants to get back into their theatre roots - demands the biggest room in the house as their “office” - reads first page of importance of being earnest - reads first page of an actor prepares - emails agent: “I look at acting in a very different way now”

Comedians in quarantine: - does just the first week of couch to 5K - moves in with their parents - talks loudly about “making a yummy brunch” whilst their parents are on business calls - makes their parents film them doing RaNDOm stufF - existential crisis

Writers in quarantine: Just the same except Hampstead ladies pond is closed

Woke Dads on Zoom 💖 a stupid Cupid little sketch I wrote with my stupidly hot and stupid friend @JohnTothill

I have genuinely so many funny thoughts on the notes on my phone but I can’t tweet them cus I’m not ready to go viral yet 🥺🥺🥺

Chronically ill parents all over the country are suffering - I’m sure they had the instinct to get some help from parents/friends but haven’t because they’re following the RuLeS 😇😡😡😡 and staying at home

Two things that make me a grownup: 1) I refer to my acne as “adult acne” 😎 and 2) I pour my bag of crisps into a bowl before I eat them

Noughties kids: iPads 🤣 90s kids: bubble writing 🥺 Cavemen kids: berries 🤪

We have a new featured artist of the month! Meet Eve Delaney. She create multimedia collages and paintings inspired by topics including mental health, women’s history and chronic illness. This piece is "Jus de Cranberry" Buy the print here: vaginamuseumshop.co.uk/collections/fe…

A man every time I wear a nice dress: “nice skirt”

Clear heads, full butts, can’t lose

The perfect man doesn’t exi- st

Holding a candle up to the toilet to see if I’ve left skid marks because my lights have broken and I don’t know how to fix == Victorian vibes!!