When she invites me to come over and play, then I pull out a toy tractor and start making engine noises

Disney paid $8B for Marvel and Star Wars and proceeded to destroy both IPs by pandering super hard to the left because the modern audience constantly screeching for inclusion don't actually care for these stories. Sydney Sweeney OTOH *checks notes* made a jeans commercial.

I can't believe they actually put together a punk festival but decided to have PC Principal run it.

"Bae it wasn't me following all those OF hoes, my social media team did that. It's literally work related."

God gave us the rainbow as a solemn vow to never destroy man with a global flood and the LGBTQ+ mafia repays him by appropriating the colors and accusing his son of being gay when, of all men throughout the history of time, he was quite literally too busy to take a wife. Smh.

I, too, grew up in mid 19th century New York City.

Good morning! Sunday morning!

Good morning

Never escaping the bootlicker allegations when you're literally licking boots.

Dave Ramsey In Critical Condition After Learning Of 50-Year Mortgage buff.ly/TATXDzc

Hol' up, you're telling me a state sponsored news organization has irreparably lost your trust due to a prolonged history of journalistic malpractice?!

Good morning

Russian AI robots can now accurately mimic a Russian everyman slamming a handle of vodka and wiping out in front of the kommissariat. Absolutely insane verisimilitude.

Ok phew because I was like 99.420% sure he did, in fact, have a legitimate claim to ascend to the highest royal station of France. Thank you, anon, for clarifying that he can not seize the throne and that Charlamagne is a pseudonym of some sort, a stage name if you will.

"All these people clapping really tried to tell me that this aimless fossil was still capable of doing the job of president for another term barely over a year ago. I knew we should have gone to Chipotle."

Good morning

Adapted for a modern audience

Good morning

Today I learned my biggest fear was my sharpest skill in high school.