Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile
Hal Cruttenden

@halcruttenden

Stand up comedian, actor and writer, whose new tour starts in September 2025. I’m hcruttenden on Instagram and Hal Cruttenden on Facebook

ID: 90497345

linkhttp://www.halcruttenden.com calendar_today16-11-2009 22:11:43

24,24K Tweet

46,46K Followers

1,1K Following

Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile Photo

To fight authoritarianism you have to be brave. Decent Americans are going to have to be brave if democracy is to be saved. Our government should be brave by explaining what’s happening in the US and repeatedly pointing out that Farage is Trump’s number one fan.

Elwyn Davies (@therealelwynd) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Chris Philp and the Tories are utterly shameless. They stayed silent on grooming gangs the entire time they were in government. Now they’re platforming victims for political gain. Not out of care - but out of calculation. Despicable. Opportunistic. Morally bankrupt. #PMQs

Chris Philp and the Tories are utterly shameless.

They stayed silent on grooming gangs the entire time they were in government.

Now they’re platforming victims for political gain.

Not out of care - but out of calculation.

Despicable. Opportunistic. Morally bankrupt.

#PMQs
Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile Photo

This is how GB News presenters make sure they get attention. They deliberately oversimplify complex issues in an attempt to create hysteria. I've fallen for it and retweeted but remember these people's names so that, when you meet them, you can ask them how they sleep at night...

The Honeypot Children's Charity (@honeypotcharity) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Have a laugh and make a difference to #YoungCarers at Honeypot #ComedyNight! Join us on 17 Sept at The Comedy Store, UK with comedy stars Ria Lina ⚜️, Kerry Godliman, Helm Dogg on Tour, Hal Cruttenden and ninia_benjamin💛😆 Get tickets here: london.thecomedystore.co.uk/event/honeypot… #MakingMemories

Have a laugh and make a difference to #YoungCarers at Honeypot #ComedyNight! Join us on 17 Sept at 
<a href="/comedystoreuk/">The Comedy Store, UK</a> with comedy stars <a href="/rialinacom/">Ria Lina ⚜️</a>, 
<a href="/KerryAGodliman/">Kerry Godliman</a>, <a href="/TheNickHelm/">Helm Dogg on Tour</a>, <a href="/Halcruttenden/">Hal Cruttenden</a>  and <a href="/ninia_benjamin/">ninia_benjamin</a>💛😆

Get tickets here: london.thecomedystore.co.uk/event/honeypot…

#MakingMemories
Supertanskiii (@supertanskiii) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Today the Hainault attacker, a violent piece of shit who killed a schoolboy, a cat and scarred for life many police officers, appeared in count. He’s white, his victim was a young black boy. Did it all kick off? Of course not. But yeah, those riots definitely weren’t racist.

Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I have so much sympathy for Rachel Reeves. Just doing my own tax bill makes me cry, I’d be far worse trying to deal with a whole country. If you’re human, hard maths should make you cry.

Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Well done Owen Farrell! This selection is worth it just for all the fury from the armchair pundits. He's a huge addition to the squad. It needs big personalities.

Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Farrell abuse is so OTT. When rugby people tell you it's a gentlemen's sport and we're superior to football, we're not. It has just as many know-it-all armchair fans unleashing their frustration with their own failures onto young men who've achieved far more that they ever have.

Red Imp Comedy Club (@red_imp_comedy) 's Twitter Profile Photo

we kick off our preview season a show we can guarantee will be hilarious as Hal Cruttenden and Robin "Flounced off Twitter" Ince take to the stage at Walthamstow Trades Hall hosted by supreme moaner Susan Murray Monday July 7th wegottickets.com/event/659587 PLS RT

John O'Connell (@jdpoc) 's Twitter Profile Photo

So 4 things we learned about #Farage this week : Highest paid MP thanks to his 11 jobs outside Parliament; Receives the highest value of gifts. Among the worst attendees in the Commons. Barely in his 'constituency'. A conman, grifter, fraudster. In it for him, not for you.

So 4 things we learned about #Farage this week :

Highest paid MP thanks to his 11 jobs outside Parliament;
Receives the highest value of gifts.
Among the worst attendees in the Commons.
Barely in his 'constituency'.

A conman, grifter, fraudster.

In it for him, not for you.
Leicester Square Theatre (@lsqtheatre) 's Twitter Profile Photo

🎤 Hal Cruttenden: Can Dish It Out But Can’t Take It 🎤 The Live at the Apollo star @Hal Cruttenden is back with a new show - middle-aged dating, social media madness & politics tackled with razor-sharp wit. 📅 20 Nov 2025 🎟️ lsqtheatre.com/3ZZQaU8 #LeicesterSquareTheatre

🎤 Hal Cruttenden: Can Dish It Out But Can’t Take It 🎤 

The Live at the Apollo star @<a href="/Halcruttenden/">Hal Cruttenden</a> is back with a new show - middle-aged dating, social media madness &amp; politics tackled with razor-sharp wit.

📅 20 Nov 2025
🎟️ lsqtheatre.com/3ZZQaU8

#LeicesterSquareTheatre
Hal Cruttenden (@halcruttenden) 's Twitter Profile Photo

On my way in to White City to do @sundaybrunchc4 - I’m wide awake and not at all sleepy. I repeat… I am not sleepy! #twohourssleep #sundaybrunch #livetv

On my way in to White City to do @sundaybrunchc4 - I’m wide awake and not at all sleepy. I repeat… I am not sleepy! #twohourssleep #sundaybrunch #livetv