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From now on I will be known as Alex the Entertainer. No further questions.

My favorite part of this is when she is getting mansplained by the guy yelling “we tried to fucking tell you!” As she is being attacked

The marketing team for Twisters is going waaaaay to hard in the Midwest.

Can confirm.

My new special Starfish reached one million views on YouTube in under a month! Thank you so much to everyone who watched! If you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for? Check out Starfish today! And thanks to AI for this flyer that is pure nightmare fuel!

If you quit chasing your dream, your life will be one big disappointment as opposed to a never ending series of smaller disappointments

Why is it called “Exxxotica” and not “Cumicon”?

The greatest TV show of all time. Have you watched Old Enough?

I’m my own boss which means I have no one to complain to when I fire myself.

I volunteer to be the comedian on this cruise.

My Drug Dealer contributed to my GOFUNDME.

Tomorrow night at The Comedy Store we have an incredible lineup! All headliners. We can’t announce our special guest because they are on a huge theater tour. Stay up late and laugh with us. showclix.com/event/perfect-…

Melania just orgasmed for the first time ever.

VEGAS! Everyone's favorite roaster from America’s Got Talent, Alex Hooper, will be performing with me at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club this weekend! #Vegas #Hookers #RockStars #Yay ticketmaster.com/event/39006098…

I’ve done my best but I’ll be honest, I hate dating apps and I want to meet a man the old fashioned way: by being traded for a cow.

Spending a week on a family vacation is the perfect way to relax while being constantly stressed.

I saved $722 a month by canceling my insurance.

I’m a lot like Rodney Dangerfield. Not that I don’t get respect but that I love walking around in a robe with my dong hanging out.

Today is Johnny Depp’s birthday. I celebrated by pooping in his bed 61 times.

The 2024 Presidential Debate.