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When you leave the house but your anxiety comes too

It’s not you, it’s the unrealistic expectations mosquitos have given me about how attractive I am

Fifty years from now. A Millennial sits at the dinner table, staring vacantly into space: “I remember exactly where I was the day Facebook pivoted to video.”

It’s always living and eating off the land and never living and eating off the floor

You are the average of the five people whose streaming passwords you’re stealing

This it. My final attempt at crafting a viral tweet. (Please RT)

I went to New Zealand and learned that even though they filmed parts of The Lord Of The Rings on a functioning sheep farm, the production brought in their own sheep because the NZ sheep didn’t have the **right look**

Rumours played constantly in my home growing up and “You Make Loving Fun” was my favorite song. Christine McVie wrote it about an affair she had and told her husband it was about her dog. Rest easy, sweet wonderful you.

When it comes down to it, the Grinch is just an average older guy with no hobby and heart problems

Proud to share I am stepping away from my job as Titan of Industry to focus on my passion (Dabbling in Industry)

Not a fan of dreaming at night, did not sign up for having thoughts when I’m off the clock

I don’t have a lot of strongly held basketball opinions, but I do believe that NBA players who win championship rings should be required to play every game with them on. Just to even things out a bit

It’s not antisemitic to oppose the war crimes that Israel is inflicting on Palestinians in Gaza, it’s a disgrace to Judaism and our history to commit genocide and try to use the Holocaust as justification.

"I finally make it to a Passover Seder, only to find you polished off the only cup of wine specifically intended for me. I mean, it had my name engraved all over it, in two different languages. Kind of hard not to take that personally, you know?" mcsweeneys.net/articles/hello…