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Just got slapped with a 40% emotional tariff for wanting to crush beers and rip cigs with the boys. Can’t even yearn in this economy

Today, after witnessing Volkanovski’s comeback and win at UFC 314, I told myself I’m going to train for a fight. Then I wrote a song that sounds like shit and took a depression nap from 3-6pm. Also, I’m probably gonna eat this whole Ben & Jerry’s.

EU/UK! Headline shows just added! + a massive run of festival dates. Not long now. See you this June.

Is Bigfoot real? I think the real mystery is what makes an adult man decide to join the “yo the giant ape we’ve all been lying about? Yeah I saw it too” club. Whole communities of bros out there just lying to each other about a gorilla in the woods and how IPA’s are actually good

Joke’s on you, getting lowballed on marketplace is my kink

How to unwatch Theo Vaughn and Zuckerberg interview

Please stop casting Austin Butler in movies I want to watch

Heard my razor turn on in my suitcase loading it into the uber. The eye contact was pretty uncomfortable, but the fact that it’s still audibly buzzing, and the only thing making a sound in this otherwise silent drive is *chef’s kiss*

Wild how doctors now prescribe weed for anxiety and meth for focus. Turns out Kite-Man and Dunky from my hometown were actually early architects of modern holistic health.

I just realised, I was pushing y’all to move for our set at Download XXII on the equivalent of a 40 °c day in Australia, and after y’all have been day drinking since morning. Lmao my b everyone, stay cool and hydrated out there today 🥵

Seperate cheques please. Keep track of your own tabs.

Irish folk band: any requests? fan: what about the one that goes tiddly diddley dee diddley diddley Irish folk band: ahh yes

Yes I was radicalised by Rocky Road to Dublin this morning.