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I’m at a point in my life where I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how I hurt my back.

The DMV: Did you bring your 3rd grade report card with you?

Dear people that can fall asleep easily, how??? Also, I hate you a little bit.

Me: So I already pay for this. Do you have the movie I want to watch? Streaming App: Yes, but only if you pay extra to watch it!

I just tried logging into my bank account to see how much money I have and it started laughing at me.

My nephew just asked me if I was alive in the late 1900s. If you need me, I’ll be walking directly into the ocean now.

My current hobby is avoiding doing anything that involves going outside in this heat.

Im at a point in my life where my knees occasionally sound like someone’s cracking a glow stick when I sit down.

Does anyone actually know what you’re supposed to do while people are singing happy birthday to you or do we all just sit there awkwardly until it’s over?

I’m still trying to figure out why they made us all learn to play the recorder in elementary school.

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Does anyone else take the estimate time of arrival on a gps as a challenge?

I just want to live somewhere that it doesn’t feel like you’re stepping onto the surface of the sun when you go outside.

Could I go to bed early tonight? Yes Will I stay up too late and be tired tomorrow anyway? Also yes

Me: My head hurts. Google: You either need to drink more water or you have 24 hours to live.

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

No need for a heat advisory warning I wasn’t planning on leaving my house anyway.

Sorry I snapped at you. The lights were too bright and everything was too noisy.

Since summer is almost over here’s list of all the places I’ve been able to visit so far: 1. Work 2. Home

I’m still in my awkward phase.