Conflict is natural and a necessary part of life; it’s how you handle it that determines whether it will be a positive or negative experience. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 51)… Source dlvr.it/TCswBZ

Unless you apologise for those things you regret, the one offended cannot release you from your past, and in order to trust you again. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 52)… Source dlvr.it/TCwc27

Expressions of regret enable both parties to acknowledge that the leopard can change his spots. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 53)… Source dlvr.it/TCyN8H

It’s not enough to simply label someone as ‘lazy’, ‘stupid’ or ‘hopeless’. Instead we must ask, ‘why is he/she like that?’ and avoid the guilt of the judgemental. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 54)… Source dlvr.it/TD07Q3

We need reassurance that we have been heard, but “what did I just say to you?” is not the way we should get it. Better to teach them how to paraphrase, instead. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 55)… Source dlvr.it/TD2883

Stuck in the past? Historic reality is not today’s reality, so we need to re-interpret the people we have judged from past times. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 56)… Source dlvr.it/TD4Rvj

Shyness and social passivity, once identified, needs to be opposed by ‘joining in’. Like a muscle, one’s social skills need regular exercise. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 57)… Source dlvr.it/TD6mVk

If you are a self confident person, remember that some people can’t tell the difference between confidence and arrogance, especially in New Zealand. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 58)… Source dlvr.it/TD9JZk

A spouse ‘departs’ from the marriage when violent or emotionally abusive, whether they leave or not. A simplistic reading of 1 Cor. 7:15 can condemn the victim. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 59)… Source dlvr.it/TDCHMQ

The personal growth of a member of the family can be assisted or crushed by family loyalty. Don’t make an idol out of family ties. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 60)… Source dlvr.it/TDFCKP

Did your exit from the family leave you feeling perpetually guilty? It’s a brave thing to defy the family patriarch or matriarch, but for some it becomes essential. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 61)… Source dlvr.it/TDGlT0

Are you in love with your partner, or with your own idealised concept of him/her? (Do you love the person, or merely the delusion?) © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 62)… Source dlvr.it/TDJs71

The level of mental health of one spouse is often (but not always) reflected in the mental health of their partner, because they have such an effect on each other over time. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 63)… Source dlvr.it/TDM772

The stability of a marriage is not necessarily an indication of it’s health. Even the master and slave will cling to each other in their mutual need. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 64)… Source dlvr.it/TDPPj9

Does your ‘help’ empower or dis-empower the recipient? Better to teach them, than to take them over. Better to equip them, than deal out ‘charity’, just because it’s easier. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 65)… Source dlvr.it/TDRkJZ

Power can be withheld or given away. Parents who won’t relinquish it breed resentful teenagers. Parents who give it all away breed bullies. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 66)… Source dlvr.it/TDVDGv

Power ‘over’ and power ‘for’ represent two quite different kinds of power. Calvary critiques the effectiveness of force to build trust or bring peace. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 67)… Source dlvr.it/TDWtLx

Individuation protects sovereignty. When a child unquestioningly honours a dishonourable parent, then in adulthood that child will also become dishonourable. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 68)… Source dlvr.it/TDYPCQ

Is there ever a time when leaving one’s spouse may in fact be the most loving thing one can do? ‘Tactical separation’ is a vital part of a Marital Counsellors’ tool box. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 69)… Source dlvr.it/TDbXlr

To marry, first find someone who is like you. To remain married, discover that she/he need not be quite like you at all, and learn how to enjoy the differences. © Copyright D. Riddell, 2012 Book Reference: Relational Insights (R 70)… Source dlvr.it/TDdmY1