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when i’m feeling bloated, i’m just gonna start holding my stomach like a pregnant lady in pics and let people deal with trying to gauge if i’m pregnant or not

check out the new ep with Mike Cannon open.spotify.com/episode/4QLzyr…

the way that your plants ‘unfollow you’ is they just die.

Like I always say: if you don't have anything nice to say, say it to me. I love gossip.

"happy friday" is the darkest cry for help.

i love when someone says “that’s a made up holiday”. um, yeah. it is. they all are.

“i like it. i have no idea what they’re saying.” - my mom’s review of reggae

just overheard a 25 year old call another 25 year old “the love of my life” lololololol

no one listens to me and, honestly, could not respect any decision more.

living in nyc changes your perspective. a guy told me he got a DUI and I was like, "oh, man. you have a car?!?"

there's a car alarm that's been going off in my neighborhood for 90 minutes. happy mother's day.

i used to eat pizza crust until i realized it’s just the part of the pizza without cheese so now i don’t respect it

being in comedy is so fun. you’ll be thinking about how you want to kill yourself but then realize what time it is and be like “hold that thought. i need to go post a reel!”

We laughed, cried, and gave a 20-something couple in the crowd the false hope of relationship stability 😅. Relive the first night of Busty's Comedy Club, exclusively on ManyVids! Featuring the incredible Gracie Canaan, Maria Heinegg, & Lawrence Corber! ▶️ tinyurl.com/5ys7t6e9

social media, if you really want to break me, put the unfollows in my notifications.

how are the holidays treating me? i just took my bra off in this subway station.

"Why are you bothering the cat?" "Just let her bother the cat." what christmas is like with my family

nothing more traumatizing than a hot guy randomly facetiming you. i’m not makeup ready and my ringlight’s not even set up.

i’ve never felt more supported by a man than the first convo after we match on an app. he’s full of “yes, queen” energy when you’re a sex prospect.

every straight dude on hinge who lists their politics as “not political” or “other” won’t remember your birthday and secretly wants a cybertruck.