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Does anyone really give a shit about how thin the new iPad is? #Apple

I’m giving up Smoking/Vaping. 3 days in. Life is shit.

It’s practically the weekend, right? Enjoy!

The Comedy Store, London - our 2340th Friday night of comedy - you’re in experienced hands!

My GP just called me with my test results. I told him to ring back at 8am. #NHS

The fact that a 77 year old bright orange man baby can have an affair with a porn star fills me with hope.

Collecting kids from nursery youtu.be/gRMgb6v3GQU?si… via YouTube

When a politician refuses to give a straight answer to question for the second time, that should be it. Terminate the interview immediately. Tell them to piss off.

Is it just me or has the Paris Olympics failed to get the usual attention of the Olympic Games.

What’s happened to Russel Brand? I preferred him when he was a sex pest. #PraiseJesus

Next course starts Oct 6th.

What is going on in the minds of people who listen to music or watch movies on a train without headphones?

He was rubbish at that gig. I had to save the night.

Kemi Badenoch says working in McDonalds made her working class. Really! By that logic working in Pret a Manger made me French. “Oh là là”

Saturday night stand-up comedy with five of the best comedians - only at The Comedy Store, London! Two shows to pick from!

Sharing is caring unless its syringes

I can’t be the only one who has just realised that Knotty Ash is a real place and not somewhere made up by Ken Dodd

By the time the terminally ill have manged to get two doctors’ appointments their 6 months life expectancy will be long gone. #AssistedDyingBill

How come Luigi Mangione looks so relaxed and chilled out? Does he know something that we don't?

Excellent set last night from Mike Gunn. Pure masterclass in standup, a true pro in his field. Will never tire of seeing him #LiveToLaugh