Wow, they boldly went where too many have gone before. RIP Frantz, Tug, Zell, and Lemongello.

We beamed down to a place called the Valley of the Shadow of Death, what did you think was going to happen? RIP Alynna, Heinichen, Nate, and Timbuktoo.

I was recently given an award for best eulogy. When I asked for which one I was told 73-75. I'm honored?

Sulu: Would you say you work for the Federation, or would it be more like the ‘Deaderation?’ Me: I’ll be talking to the Captain!

After last year’s debacle, Gorn eggs are strictly prohibited as gifts during this year’s secret Santa. In memoriam: Munn, Lora, Alemond, and Cuddlemunch.

Note to staff: if you attempt to use an Andorian’s head as a coat rack they will stab you. RIP Wafflehutt.

HR informed me there are over 500 red shirts in the lost and found area. I’m beginning to think staff isn’t just ‘losing’ them. Come on people, own it.

Sulu: I'm surprised your staff doesn't have PRE-traumatic stress disorder. Me: I'll be speaking to the captain. Me:... Me: Wait, is that really a thing?

We finally survived a landing party but not the holiday potluck? McCoy, haven’t we cured peanut allergies yet? RIP Emma, Jane, Milton, and Honeystick.

Note to staff: our annual blood drive is coming up. If Spock is the only one who shows up again this year it doesn’t really help us.

Note to staff: anyone who asks for ‘hope’ this year on Secret Santa profile will automatically get a sweater as default gift.

For today’s service the family asked that in lieu of flowers you instead kick me in the shins. RIP Jinglehorn #whatdidIdo

I don’t know where that Klingon came from, but sad that cadet’s last holiday wish to coworker came out as, “Feliz Navidaaaaaaarrrgggg!” RIP Picasso

Celebrated Uhura's birthday today. When she saw me she said, "I bet none of your staff have ever seen this many candles on a cake before." Et tu Uhura? Happy Birthday anyway.

Sulu: A toast - here's to never knowing what tomorrow will bring. Except for Mitch, he knows. Me: Happy New Year to you too jerk!

I’m dissapointed they all broke their New Years resolutions so soon. Their resolution? To survive. RIP Frantz, Edna, Diego, and Ticklefoot.

Went to planet and got stuck in a time loop due to an Atavachron portal. History repeated itself over and over until Captain Kirk found a way out. RIP ten times in a row Pete, Jaydub, Kost, and Hackysack. #tentimestheheartache

Note to staff: The next person at ceremony who approaches the photon torpedo casing and says, "New funeral, who dis?" will be first up on next landing party.

Note to staff: After today’s fiasco, family members will no longer be allowed on the same landing party. RIP Pa, Ma, and JR Ferglehorn.

Sulu: Did you hear? Your entire team made it back in one piece today. Me: Seriously? Sulu: Of course not. April Fools!