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Class of 23 b.c. combo guard Blake Ooyman from Yodi Land is a 4’11 dominator on the floor. “The jester” has never missed a three in his entire life and even though is ranked in top 100 shortest men of all time, he has 900 D1 offers. He survives off meat sticks Amish foods.

Class of 1776 guard Dylan Deis from song dynasty china is a 5’10 defender with a sexy frame. Legend says that not only is he the wisest man in the world, even Lebron couldnt score on him because he was afraid he would makeout with him. Is he gay?

Class of 2077 forward Liam Wright from the United Kingdom is a middy magician. Otherwise known as “skinny p” or “gay son” will literally shake the floor after drinking an energy drink. No one guards him because his elbows cut diamonds.

Class of ⏁⊑⟒⍀ center Anders Johansen aka bong aka spogebob aka warden aka anderkp aka Nike aka janger is king of rebounds. Through childhood discipline and cleaning with toothbrushes, he uses the phrase “I don’t care” in every interview, he will steal the ball and your candy

Class of _ _ _ _, standing at 7’9, center jack Christensen is the worst fucking player. “Back” uses his giant fat ugly stomach to bounce players off of him. Then, he uses his fake laugh to confuse the enemy opponent. Even with his tall stature, this fat bitch can’t dunk

Class of HUAHHHHHH forward pierson brodrick… fuck this I don’t even know how this kid made the team he literally has diabetes and has never played basketball ever but he has a fat ass so it’ll work

Class of 42069 guard sam Colton is a red headed Irish fuck. The little leperchaun likes to hide in the corner at sleepovers and on the court. The red fuck has to walk in the shadow of his prodigy of a younger brother.

Class of $$$$ Gary Bo Johnson is too cool for this team. We don’t even know if he can play because he’s spent all his money on his humnow membership. Even though he was second in the GSL (bitch) he’s last in our hearts.