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Natalie Cuomo and Dan LaMorte are heading to The Comedy Vault THIS WEEKEND for 4 hilarious shows. Don't miss out! Tickets: comedyvaultbatavia.com/events/100032 #nataliecuomo #danlamorte #livecomedy #chicagoland #comedyvault #comedyclub

People keep telling me that my tattoos make me look like a chipotle bag. Well I got news for you: chipotle is a billion dollar business

I tried doing yoga last night, but the only position I know is downward spiral dog

I have a hard time motivating myself to do easy things and an easy time motivating myself to do hard things

I asked chat gpt to roast me and now we’re not friends anymore

I’m a healthy girl. I only buy my candy at Trader Joe’s.

Why is HAHAHA so much more aggressive than hahaha

I love scary movies but mostly because I turn them off right before anything bad happens. I just like seeing families enjoy breakfast together 🥰

On a flight to Canada and the man next to me is wearing a Canadian tuxedo. Talk about patriotic

No but why I do I see Wallace from Wallace and Gromit whenever I look in the mirror

last night I took an Uber to one of my shows. The uber driver asked me what I was up to that night. I said going to work. He’s like what do u do? I said I was a performer - to which he replied “dancer??” 🤪🤪👯‍♀️👯‍♀️

Me when I get a tattoo:

Come with me to get a face tat 🫣

ONCE AGAIN I AM NOT RELATED TO ANDREW CUOMO STOP TAGGING ME

In fact it’s an infamous story in our family that my mom once met Mario Cuomo and he said to her “you’re no Cuomo” Enough!!!

News host asks if I’m related to Andrew Cuomo

Me when I wake up: hmm what will I worry about today

I don’t mind when people hog the entire conversation. I leave with 0 social anxiety. I know I said nothing wrong because I said nothing.

If you see an ugly photo of me don’t worry it’s AI

I know no one cares and this is extremely niche but I finally finished Mr. Qi’s challenge and got 3 of the giant fruits in Stardew 🥹