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Hi all, Just a quick reminder that Monday is the final date for letting us know if you want to go part time in September. If we don’t get enough volunteers, we’ll be using the Random Name Picker. Thanks x

Hi all, Monday’s CPD is going to be awesome! We have a guest speaker from The Trust coming to update us on our Current Revision and Assessment Practices. I’m sure you’re all really excited and looking forward to hearing a total stranger talking CRAP for three hours. Thanks x

Hi all, There was a typo in the newsletter. It should have said, “Do not park your cars on the white lines”. Not cats. Thanks x

Hi all, We’re beginning to think our new Head of Geography is getting a little bit obsessed about her weight-loss journey. Her wonderful, new classroom display about dormant volcanoes, lists Mounjaro as the tallest mountain in Africa. Thanks x

Hi all, We still haven’t decided if we are going to change back to a three year KS4 from the two year system. This means that, by the end of the week, each department will need to prepare Schemes of Learning for both eventualities. Use your Year 11 gained time. Thanks x

Hi all, During the upcoming Assessment Week, we’d like to remind you of the support available from our SEN department. Pupil Assessment Support by Teaching Assistants starts this week. Many of our pupils are looking forward to having PASTA during their exams. Thanks x

Hi all, After much discussion we have decided that it would be wrong to hire models and actors to pretend to be staff and students for The Academy’s new website. We have decided to use AI instead. It’s much cheaper. Thanks x

Hi all, Mr Johnson’s Health and Safety twilight CPD is being postponed until September. That’s when he is expected to be out of hospital. He caught his tie in the ceiling fan in his office, balancing on a swivel chair on his desk, trying to kill a wasp with his shoe. Thanks x

Hi all, We have been having trouble reading your emails, due to you changing your passwords and not informing us. Those nice people in The Willows IT Services (TWITS) have spent all yesterday evening changing your passwords. You can get them from the office from 8am. Thanks x

Hi all, Due to more budget cuts, we will continue to offer fairly poor CPD to all staff next term. Basically, we will sit in the Hall watching YouTube videos from the early 2000s and then make things out of egg boxes and string, which will somehow improve your teaching. Thanks x

Hi all, We have decided to change the name of next Monday’s CPD. “Fully Understanding Curriculum Knowledge” was probably not the best choice of title or acronym. We think Mr Johnson is doing it on purpose now. Thanks x

Hi all, There was a typo in this week’s Year 7 History homework. Pupils were supposed to ask their parents and grandparents all about their memories when they were younger. Memories, not mammaries. This text to speech software really doesn’t like Janice’s accent. Thanks x

Hi all, Tonight’s CPD is In-House Networking. Basically, we haven’t got anything for you to do. Our guest, who was going to talk about Sex Ed and Contraception, has pulled out at the last minute, so you’re going to sit in the Main Hall chatting until 7pm. Bring a coffee. Thanks x

Hi all, We’re looking for someone who can coordinate our PGCE and ITT students in September, as Tina is stepping down from her role as School Lead for University Trainees. If you can see yourself becoming our next SLUT, all the information is on the TEAMS. Thanks x

Hi all, Can we please refrain from spraying the pupils with cold water during the current heatwave? It’s not too much of a problem outside on the sports field but Mr Johnson ruined 35 Apple Macs and the new carpet in the IT room, hosing down 9Z yesterday afternoon. Thanks x

Hi all, A lot of you are off sick at the moment and this is not good. Please remember, if you are too ill to come to work, you must let the Cover Supervisor know 48 hours in advance. Also, if you’re sick, you really shouldn’t be on supply at the local primary, Tina. Thanks x

Hi all, Tomorrow is Year 6 Induction Day. There’ll be more security guards in The Academy and some will be carrying shields and batons. There’s no reason to be alarmed: Boy Jayden’s little brothers, Ronnie and Reggie are joining us. They’re usually really well behaved. Thanks x

Hi all, We have had an exorcist in The Academy today. There is no ghost after all. It was one of the Exam Invigilators. She got terribly confused and has spent the last week wandering the corridors, terrifying KS3 pupils by telling them they only have 5 minutes left. Thanks x

Hi all, We have given Miss Johnson a written warning for not wearing her Hi-Viz jacket. Admittedly, it was Sunday, and it was in Waitrose (we’re obviously paying her too much) but wherever you go, you are a representative of The Willows and need to follow the rules. Thanks x

Hi all, Don't forget that reports for all year groups are due in sims by 11:37 tomorrow. Mr Sidebottom will be monitoring this. Please make sure that you use the new format I’m emailing tonight, and don't forget the minimum 200 words per student. We have blocked AI, too. Thanks x