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I hate writing on my fucking phone!

When did everyone start liking things "ironically"?

I'm a simple man; I like my ice cream cold , and my hot fudge a little warmer than my ice cream.

Fall must be arriving, the little gutter rat punk kids in my neighborhood are changing color.

When did going out at 9:30 become considered "going out late"??? I blinked and became old.

Can they keep calling it "New Girl" even though they are starting the third season?

#CAasSHIELD

Those who can, do. Those who can't, podcast.

Why are hip-hop videos so addictive? I can watch them for hours:

I love "Frosted Flakes," but if I eat them too quickly they start to clog my throat. Anyone else have that problem?

Every old person I know calls the show "Everybody Loves Raymond" just "Raymond."

#darkesttimeline I'm just trying to save "Community" one of the funniest sitcoms ever.

Having a hard time juggling between being a highschool honor student by day and high class call girl by night.

Finally figured out something to put on my "bucket list": Learn the kind of whistle where you put two fingers in your mouth.

It bothers me that the thrift store down the block never puts my donations in the front window to display. Adding that to my bucket list!

I haven't tried a new cereal and liked it sine 1984. Tonight was no exception, Kashi cinnamon is not for me.

Sony Music artist Beyonce will be honored with the Billboard Millennium Award. What an amazing honor! #BillboardAwards

@xxVixenBritxx did you just walk out of a rest stop on the garden state parkway?

@xxVixenBritxx if so, sorry I did not hold the door for you. Looking up and seeing you caught me off guard!