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Nothing says scoring a hat-trick in your final game before retirement like coming out the pub to discover you have left your lights on and you've got no car battery

"Go and warm up. Take the dog with you for a run"

And that’s a wrap ladies and gentlemen, a 5-1 victory for the Vets signs the Fatboys 24/25 campaign off in style 😎 Firsts🥈 Reserves🥇 Vets🥉 Some great showings from all our sides this season with the Reserves the only team with silverware 🏆 The Nick Davie effect 🪄

T minus 10 minutes till we kick off. FAAATSSSS

Fatboys EOSD and it’s live #HFB

First up top scorers, I wonder who has won this…

Golden Boots Firsts - Rory Pharrell Reserves - Lord Gault (not pictured) Vets - El Bod

Most Improved Firsts - Mike McDonald Reserves - Steve Spies & Josh Evetts Vets - Carl Griffiths

I wonder who will win…

D*ck of the Season Firsts & Reserves - Nick Davie Vets - Roffey Goalie for Assault on Logan

Breakdown of the Season Firsts - Stuart Brown (multitude of reasons) Reserves - Reece Wickwar (general miserableness) Vets - Steve B (every game)

Worst Excuse Winner - Kevin Ticehurst not doing the kit

Comedy Moment of the Season Firsts - Hatcham Manager Reserves - Bang v Pint Glass Vets - Drakey (jogging bottoms)

Best Individual Performance Firsts - Ruari v Hatcham Reserves - Lord Gault (Cosmos) Vets - Ollie Toynbee debut

What a signing award! Firsts - Pat Harding (should have been Peskett) Reserves - Connor Vets - Franksy

Miss of the Seson First - Ray Rabbett Reserves - Steve Spies Vets - El Bod Missus of the season: Hayley

Worst Excuses Firsts - Peskett (11:05am drop out) Reserves - Evetts (I’m gonna be hungover) Vets - Drakey (hole fall) Club - Kevin Ticehurst (kit wash refusal)

The Jordan Walsh Dirtiest Player of the Year Firsts - Peskett (backpass king) Reserves - Paz (penalty king) Vets - Franksy (ankle killer)

Worst Performance Firsts - Mike McDonald Reserves - Batch Vets - Stevie B

Special Milestones… too many to mention, apart from Reece. Reece is not just a player—he’s a true all-rounder on the pitch. From managing the game to delivering precise throw-ins and launching powerful long free kicks, he brings passion and versatility to every moment.