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Me to the cashier: I'm going to use Apple Pay. Y'all accept that, right? Her: I dunno, that's some white people shit. Me: That is actually some cashier shit but okay. 😒

Good morning, y'all! Happy Thursday. Have a great day. Love ya! 🥰🇺🇸

Me rollerblading into my therapists office with sunglasses and a strawberry margarita: Amanda, you're not going to believe this..... Amanda: *sigh*....

Me: If you have a problem with me please write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it, and stick it up your ass. My latina MIL: Who you talk to!? Me: Your Son. 🙄

Apparently, they stop carding you at the liquor store once the light leaves your eyes. 🫠

When someone calls me instead of texting me:

Good morning, y'all! We made it to Friday, thank goodness. Come on over and we'll have a drink. Love ya! 🤗🇺🇸

My latina MIL: I join new church. Carlos tell me he like they give free food. Me: Oh? Congratulations. Crystal Methodist? Her: I hay you!

Good morning, y'all! Happy Saturday. Love ya! 🤗🇺🇸

The next person that plays with me is getting tased. Zeet, zeet, look now we are both shocked. 😒

Good morning, y'all! Happy Sunday. Have a great one. Love ya! 🤗🇺🇸

Me when my husband asks me "What's for dinner" 10 minutes after I wake up: 👹

These assholes have the whole outside and still be in my eye.🙄

Good morning, y'all! Happy Monday. Love ya! 🥰🇺🇸