This is the guy I had to learn about the inevitable death of the universe from.

I don’t think step family porn is creepy because I always have my porn on mute.

The real reason seat warmers were invented

I can’t sleep without listening to white noise. So I always put on Fox News when I get into bed.

RIP David Lynch

Just completely stocked my deep freeze up with crab rangoons Can’t be too careful with all these Chinese apps getting banned

Ordering DoorDash counts as meal prepping.

Elon is a stupid fucking name.

“I didn’t care for the halftime show”

Feel like such a dummy, just found out that cryptocurrency has nothing to do with legal tender for Sasquatch.

"Don't worry babe l'll pay." *whips out wallet*

I used to love old choose your own adventure books That being said I’m definitely not a fan of Hulu’s choose your own addventure

Yet another celebrity on Ozempic

Robocop is an Easter movie.

Rubber duckies on the dashboard, it’s a Jeep thing that’s I don’t understand

Ope

The guys from Papa Roach are 50 and are still making Papa Roach songs.

Nobody: Joni Ernst:

When they say “prop the door open”

Maybe the greatest actor of any generation Not only could he do Shakespeare but he could also do Sitspeare, Rolloverspeare and Fetchspeare