🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

He’s next #straighttojail

Omg, the pudding has expired. Retire and be gratefu one of them didn’t cut your dick off

New Year, same me

Every first 💩after a long trip is the most satisfying

Went to scuba dive today in Australia and they said I had to do a refresher course. I WILL NOT take my mask off under the water again. I did it once to get certified and I wont do it again. It’s a weird hill to die on but I guess I’m never diving again ✌️

I can’t tell you how many times a comic has told me this. Most of the time male *shocker*

I’m in Australia right now and I’d love to have a chat with this earth worm. Very brave 15,175 km away. Send him to my show and he’ll find out what Americans are really like

Another year to dodge that bullet #nobabies

When men say they’ve been out in the “friend zone” I’m going to respond “awww do you have a cummy ache?”

What the fuck does this mean? #whiteboyshit

Pre-save "Vibrators Are A Girls Best Friend" now on Spotify: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/sa… (powered by DistroKid)

❤️❤️❤️

Did you know Vibrators were invented by doctors in the late 1800s because when women were diagnosed with melancholy or hysteria, they would go to their doctors offices to get a “procedure done” and so many women were “coming” in that the doctors were getting tired 🤌💋

Rihanna was fully clothed the entire half time show. What are conservatives going to complain about now?!

WATCH Vibrators Are A Girls Best Friend | Sarah Hester Ross youtu.be/BQ3NasiqsU4 via YouTube

Our pal Sarah Hester Ross has a new song and video out to celebrate the true meaning of Valentine's Day. Matt skips a teachable moment with his kids. Sarah poses a very important question about our butt holes. Listen to Matt and Mattingly Episode 975: Vegetables Are A Girl Best Friend…

Deconstruction hymns need to be a thing

Lead singer Andrew Freeman of Last In Line discusses their new album, public mouth kisses, and how to use karaoke for good. Plus, a special Psychic Scoop Mail. Listen to Matt and Mattingly Ep. 978: South American Irish Goodbye, available at heyscoops.com and various podcast apps.

Now class, what did we learn today? #floridamanfriday

Free show Los Angeles!!!