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I have a Dibbun. Right now, that’s the most important thing in the world to me. Reci and I were always so proud of getting to bring back the happy, energetic, playful Dibbun that so many people knew from years ago and enjoyed. I have a Dibbun… and everybody else does too.

“Music always with me :3”. The first time Reci took a leap of faith with me, we had a magical shared experience with one another across the ether, listening to music. I was able to bring music back to Reci’s life, and even in the darkest times, music is always with me.

Sashi will be OK ❤️

Last night was one of the most powerful moments that I have ever experienced - Every bit of darkness was burned away, every doubt and fear… There was light in every corner of my life again… I was crying for most of day, and even if darkness creeps back, I will be there to fight

Happiness is infectious… There’s so much to be had right now, and even being able to simply share it with someone else, to make them smile a bit brighter, is so uplifting right now. Sharing what light I have with those around me is what I’ve lived for for years, and still is.

Returned from a weekend trip… A month and a half ago, I wouldn’t have taken it, I would have happily sent Dibbun on a fun visit to a friend and stayed home, but I’m glad I did go. I unexpectedly was able to spend part of that trip with someone special, and that made it worth it.

“Always with me”… It was a reassurance to one another, something we would remind one another of when we felt alone, or when we were worried, stressed, or just needed comfort from the other. It was always so comforting to see… and it was the last message I sent after Reci passed

I'm never going to forget Reci or who he was to me... As the people who loved him in the world, we will always be holding that vigil for him, even if it is held in silence. We get to carry that torch together - It’s a solemn duty, but we will always have that memory with us.

There have still been tears every day… That is going to be reality for some time, but crying, even for a few seconds, helps chase away sadness for a bit longer with each passing day. I stopped trying to fight the urge to cry when I felt it - It always won in the end anyways…

I have a Dibbun again :3 After a trip up to Seattle over Labor Day weekend, Dibbun stayed with a friend for an extra day, then flew down to California for a few days. It was difficult being apart, but his return gave me something to look forward to, and that was a welcome feeling

I know I can’t save every memory, every aspect of Reci, and that small things will slowly fade away with time, lost to the ether. Coming to terms with that fact is difficult, because I want to remember everything, but even if the small details are lost, my love will still remain.

Allowing yourself to put some memories to rest, to put away things which hurt to look at, to make small steps towards the future, isn’t dishonoring the person who you are remembering… It is allowing yourself to heal so that you are able to carry on the memories that matter most.

Every day that passes is a little easier, carries a tiny bit less sadness, feels a bit more… ‘normal’, even if that normal is wildly different. There are still stories and memories to share, a few more tasks to resolve, but my mind has some peace, at least for the time being.

The most important people in my life are ones that I didn’t know the day before I met them… A random note on FA, a comment on a commission, a message during a raid… All of these brought incredibly important people into my life, and I had no idea they would before they did.

Days have stopped blurring together as much, and time seems to be slowing down again, back to a more normal pace… Thank you to those who have given Dibbun and I so much support this last month and a half, there’s too many to name, but all of you have helped in your own ways.

I’ve managed to pick up a majority of the pieces that were scattered about, but more than anything now, I am not sure what to do with them. I am safe and I am happy with Dibbun, and as time goes on we will build something together, I just don’t know what it will be yet.

Every day when I wake up, I’m reminded of how incredibly thankful I am to have somebody that I love in my life, that I have someone who is only a few steps away to kiss, hug, pet, hold, and nuzzle… Even a few minutes of affection is enough to set my day on a positive trajectory.

I will try again tomorrow, even though I am scared today.