🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

It’s one of those “I’m filling up my drafts with untweetable horrors” kind of days

I was so stoned last night I almost tweeted I love everyone, but then I remembered Hitler and Jordan Peterson in that order

I’ve been having a midlife crisis for my entire adult life

Based on RuPaul’s pattern of releasing songs based around phrases from Drag Race, will her next single be: A) Just Between Us Squirrel Friends B) Hello Hello Hello! C) I’ve Made My Decision D) I Don’t Want To See Any Fucking H&M

I treat my men like I treat my boogers Rub em til they’re dry and then flick them onto the bedroom floor

Parenting is weird, you create people and then you constantly boss them around

If we censor female nipples because we’ve sexualized them even though they deliver breast milk to infants, then by that logic we should censor mouths because we use them for sexual kisses even though they are how we ingest food.

Some secularists miss the community that comes with a weekly religious gathering. I thought it would be cool to have “Space Church” where the latest astronomical scientific discoveries are discussed and then everyone eats donuts. All space enthusiasts welcome. Would you go?

Tried a dating app. How is this the way to meet people How is this normal

“This is only the beginning for you” says RuPaul to the eliminated queens, as she concurrently releases multiple seasons that causes audiences to forget most cast members

Probably late to the game, but How To with John Wilson is a fantastic show

If you ever wanna feel invisible, walk behind Jimbo in Vancouver’s west end

money is expensive

One of the most disturbing things I hear from breeders is that having the thought “have I made a huge mistake?” after bringing home a newborn is totally normal.

I slept with one Irish guy in my life. It ended there because his accent made the dirty talk feel particularly leprechauny to my North American ears. To each their own, but I personally could not cum with someone moaning with an Irish lilt about my “magical little pussy” ☹️

Y’all, I think I could play her in the biopic

🎶 I’m not a milf not yet a cougar 🎶

Socialized female long before texting, but I still immediately stop typing if I see the person I’m texting has started to write back

*bird flies into the house, we chase it out* Me: Y’know, a lot of people take these sort of things as omens. I don’t think it means anything. Do you? Friend: I think it means something to the bird.

Do you ever think of just firing off every draft just to see what would happen 🔥