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If you die on Everest they leave your body there and you just become a part of the scenery. The same thing happens if you die in a Dollar General.

Fuck, man. It's been a day. Happy new year from NOLA.

We want to start a Celebrity Oyster Shucker event St. Roch Market. We could start this weekend. William Shatner is in New Orleans this weekend. Bill, MAKE IT SO!

As a chef I keep an internal leaderboard where I score all the stupid questions the front of house staff come to ask me. It's been 5 years and no one has been able to take "is there cheese in the halloumi" off of the top spot

So update. SmartassChef and I haven't heard back from William Shatner about being a guest shucker St. Roch Market this weekend yet. We're holding out hope.

Keeping up with Mardi Gras customers requires skill, patience, and—let’s be real—a steady IV drip of whiskey. I’m not drinking on the job; I’m just leveling the playing field. You slur your order, I slur the specials. It’s called customer service.

Never pick a fight with a man wearing Crocs out in public. This man has nothing left to lose.

Ribbed condoms don't even taste like ribs. 🙄

This website doesn't have enough pictures of otters with fake mustaches. We can do better.

These gender reveal parties are getting out of hand.

To all the people who ruined funny Twitter when they all got political.

🎶🎸Oh-oh black Betty, wambulance.

I swear I thought Skrillex was a brand of non stick cookware.

Can I trade in my heart for a second liver?

Most of my one night stands happened because they knew they would get a fabulous breakfast the next morning.

I don't care what religion you are, just don't chew with your mouth open.

The Internet was so much more fun before all you assholes became political.