what are you doing YOU HAVE AN IMPORTANT DAY TOMORROW

no offense NONE TAKEN

at the end of this episode THERE BE A MONSTER

so many of my DEVOTED VIEWERS have been lost TO REALMS UNKNOWN that i am legally I MEAN MORALLY REQUIRED to send out this warning

no LIVE EVENT tonight so you may as well HIT THE HAY

Spintax needs YOUR earthly efforts WILL YOU SAVE HIM?!

this person GETS IT AND i like them

i NEEDS MUST collect AND SAVE all of EARTH’S SPECIALEST CHILDREN starting with their queen Drew Barrymore

a DIVERSION

just because this PUBLIC SAFETY announcement is part of a SEALED PLEA AGREEMENT between myself and your SECRET GOVERNMENT does not make the information CONTAINED HEREWITHIN valueless

do NOT listen to this until you have PREORDERED MY NEW BOOK

TIS TRUE a deal is NOT a bet BUT LOVE IS ALWAYS A GAMBLE and you wouldst be taking A GREAT RISK by correcting my friend Salmagundi EVER AGAIN

if thou dost AWAKEN this day with thy heart or guts or ankles IN PAIN know YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS and you can survive ANYTHING for thou art SECRETLY IMMORTAL and no one else exists as much as YOU so GET UP and start MUDDLING THROUGH YOUR DUMB DAY already

FINALLY a USEFUL technological advance

BEHOLD some pretty IMPORTANT BULLSHIT

my dearest CONTENT KINGS QUEENS & JACKOFFS ALL TRADE consider thyself COMPELLED to do WHATSOEVER THE INTERNET says thy must in order to take a TOUR OF MY FORCE in this AN HISTORIC BONUS EPISODE

when you THOUGHT you were being invited to a demon’s GROUP BIRTHDAY PARTY but COME TO FIND OUT it’s an INTIMATE one on one with you and N’strandr with the BLANK CROTCH

to BE AN EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR consider not only THY MESSAGE but also THINE MODE calls can be SCREENED texts can be deleted UNSEEN but NONE can ignore words which magically CARVE INTO THEIR FLESH as though from within

i thought i was out but THEY PULLED ME BACK IN

When you’re SUPPOSED to be working on your NEW GRIMOIRE but it’s too easy to conjure pornography on your LARGE BOILING FLASK