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One person’s intelligence is another’s pathology

Idk why I got married if not to have my spouse look at the two mosquito bites on my ass at my behest. As of right now they still need validation.

Next time you see someone who hasn't filled out their DIY pride flag, help them out by coloring it in for them

This is the worst timeline

I love getting my pussy waxed just as much as the next guy, but it ain’t worth me or my esthetician dying over it. Grow out a fantasy 70s bush and vote this dumb motherfucking fascist out of office.

"capitalism is necessary to ensure the most efficient allocation of resources"

Sorry I missed your call. Women on Instagram started posting their most flattering selfies in black and white and calling it an “empowerment challenge” and I threw my phone into the sea.

Thought I had a joke about cancel culture but it doesn't actually exist

I have a joke about the inextricable link between capitalism and white supremacy but liberals don't want to hear it

But those are my two favorite thiiiiiings

Dead men don’t tell tales

my question is twofold: who are you, and what are you doing in my washing machine?

WHY ARE YOU ON SO MANY ANTIDEPRESSANTS?!

Lmaooo idk who hacked the google algorithm but I am crying 💀😂😂google ‘white American doctor’ & press images 😭

Do you miss the sound of my voice

I have a joke about imposter syndrome but I probably don’t know what I’m talking about

IS NO ONE GOING TO HELP ME WITH POST OFFICE 🙄

looking forward to playing the happy hour at the Hole In the Wall next Monday! Come and hang out for some lullabies and fight songs from 6-8. No cover!

super excited to do this song swap with Kyra Gordon next week! and go ahead and check out her page... rumor has it she's got some new music about to drop