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Live look

NYC! Posting an old joke to drum up much needed ticket sales for my upcoming solo show run SoHo Playhouse May 24-27. Promo code is DANNY. Grab em in my bio!

Sex is good… But have you ever had apples with peanut butter?

Just because we’re in a fight doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It just means I hate you right now

What the point of having kids if you can’t steal their blood???????

You lost me after “I want to end my career”

Last night was awesome! Three more chances to catch my solo show in NYC SoHo Playhouse at 7pm. Promo code is DANNY. Tonight I have the great @AlisonLeiby opening the show. Grab tickets in my bio!

This is from both of us

Thought I was working out next to a porn star, then I remembered I was at planet fitness… then i DEFINITELY knew I was!

A listener writes into the Luxury Lounge Podcast about an airplane toenail clipper!! Ahri Findling and I discuss! Plus more complaints about Sephora, Dunkin Donuts, and karaoke!! LINK - Apple/Spotify/YouTube: linktr.ee/jaredfreid

Just let me join a fuckin cult

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL

Praying for a double tko 🙏🙏

For the record I have also reached an agreement with Yevgeny Prigozhin

Ok so J.P. McDade ?????

Thanks to this brilliant lineup for putting on a show last night 👏 and as always, thank you Bozeman for coming out & laughing with us!! ❤️

Hey United Airlines I just want to thank you for my individual chip bag sized legroom. This cost $900 for a family of 3

See Mark Gagnon Ahri Findling @JamesLmattern Brendan Sagalow @TocarraElise & more tonight on our 8PM! newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/mark-ga…

She’s an idiot

The best thing about hospice is allowing your loved one to die in their own home surrounded by people they love… The bad part is that your the room becomes the “room where grandpa swallowed his tongue”