TfGM (@tfgm_official) 's Twitter Profile
TfGM

@tfgm_official

Transport for Greater Manchester is now GREATER MANCHESTER PASSENGER TRANSPORT EXECUTIVE GMPTE

ID: 468295697

calendar_today19-01-2012 11:35:20

212 Tweet

326 Followers

1 Following

Manchester Giant Santa (@mcrsanta) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Last chance to visit the Christmas Mkts in Alb Sq & St Ann's Sq today before the traders pack up and go home to their families! #manchester

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Ricky Gervais on the Eccles line. We've shut it down completely and will be setting it on fire later as a precaution. Reopening March 2014.

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BBC chef Nigel Slater has been whispering crude sexual words at a turkey thigh at Chorlton for hours now. Severe delays. Take a fucking bus.

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The Bury line is an unline. It does not exist: it has never existed. WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.

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We are hearing reports of swans congregating at Trafford Bar. If you are planning to travel please bring bread. Repeat: bring bread.

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Our Chief Exec is currently looking in to whether it's actually true that a swan can break your arm. We'll let you know as soon as we can.

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We can confirm that only a swan wing at full span, striking a weak-boned individual at full velocity, could actually cause bone fracture.

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Therefore, unless you have shitty bones, you can now approach the swans. Just to repeat: there are swans at Trafford Bar. Bring bread.

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We are thinking of replacing all trams with whimsical dancing cats. Only a thorough benefits analysis stands between us and the dream.

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"But how will they run?!", people will exclaim. "They won't", we'll reply, "but benefit 4.3 clearly shows why that's a worthwhile decision."

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The public will never see the benefits analysis. "It's confidential", we'll say. The public will just see whimsical dancing cats.

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We're not the first with this idea. Sweden replaced their trams with erratic taunting alpacas in 2002. Very successfully we might add.