If you're unsure whether you're having fun or not, you could have taken a playcebo. 🐢💨

My neighbour said, "Your girlfriend and her daughter could be twins." "They were separated at birth." 🐢💨

President TACO Trump appears ready for his birthday parade. 🐢💨

My girlfriend told me I'm not completely useless. Apparently, I can be used as a bad example. 🐢💨

Before I had my surgery, the anaesthetist asked if I'd prefer being knocked out with anaesthetic, or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation. 🐢💨

I'm here again. Please, please do this, guys. The blood is needed it would be a member of your family.

Breaking: A hitherto unnoticed hole in a nudist colony wall is being looked into by police. 🐢💨

Herr Fuhrage to play Fag-in in the new stage musical of Fascist and Pissed. 🎶You've got to blame an immigrant or two🎶 🐢💨

I've just called the tinnitus helpline. It just kept ringing. 🐢💨

Things not to say to a priest during confession: "How do I flush this?" 🐢💨

I loved my blind girlfriend. I've only got a 4 inch penis, but she always told me it smelled like a foot. 🐢💨

My Russian neighbour is an Uber driver. Pickup Andropov 🐢💨

I've just had a phone chat with my daughter where I asked her, "Chloe, have I been a bad father?" "My name is Francesca." 🐢💨

Ticks and the Eiffel Tower: Both Paris sites. 🐢💨

Breaking: A flock of birds have been attacking people in the streets of south east London. Peckham. 🐢💨

'Ocean envy' or as it's better known: Jealousy 🐢💨

A large semi-aquatic mammal found mainly in sub Saharan Africa, that swears constantly: Hippopottymouth. 🐢💨

I was so convinced that I could beat my girlfriend at arm wrestling, I made a bet with her. The winner would get oral sex from the loser. She won, and hasn't stopped rubbing my nose in it since. 🐢💨

I remember taking my girlfriend on 8 dinner dates, and on the ninth we went to the cinema. Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman. 🐢💨

The fast and furious franchise has gone downhill. 🐢💨