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Best dressed guys at the breeders’ cup Liam Cullagh @will_holgate

Guys Night

Couple bad bounces away from going D1…

Every USA fan who’s never watched soccer before #USMNT

Clean

Had to rush my dog to the vet this morning. I don’t know what’s wrong with her but her poop tastes really weird

Pro tip! William Angus

Oh I was a “burden to my family,” huh? Ok hot shot, then why did my parents say if it wasn’t for me they would’ve gotten divorced way sooner?

I’m quite good… #roommates #comedyvideo #college

To the people that think it’s “hilarious” to piss and poop all over the toilet seats at the bar: guys like me have to wipe up with our bare hands and rub it on our tummies. Grow up.

Last night was legitimately insane.

Cops in horror movies are useless Woman: please officer help Cop: it’s probably just old pipes in your house ma’am Woman: my daughter was skinned alive in her room Cop: probably a draft from the open window. Ma’am, don’t call again unless you’re in real danger

I’m gonna be the uncle that asks to hold the new born baby and they say “uhhh she’s actually really tired right now”

My email with my full name that I’ve had since 13 is unusable. It is a rotting carcass filled with maggots. 100 emails a day about god knows what. Someone from Iran logs into it once a week and changes the password. It’s time to pull the plug

He scrolled too deep...

I am rage incarnate (my tummy hurts)

Just executed a flawless Clog & Jog (Clog toilet -> demand a different hotel room)

Business Idea: A bar of soap that’s 7x bigger than a normal bar so you only have to wash your hands once a week

My wife keeps losing her wedding ring at the bar lol! She’d lose her damn head if it wasn’t screwed on 🤣🤣🤣

Nickelodeon should do a stream for the presidential debates like they do for the NFL. If I’m gonna follow along, I need SpongeBob & Patrick to explain to me what a Two-State solution is