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At least Hitler went to jail for a few years for his failed coup before being reelected

can’t wait for the health department to be run by a guy who drinks his son’s blood and a guy whose brain is half eaten by worms

does no one else remember that trump was already president and life was worse ??

To optimize good sleep before bed: -Take a hot bath -Get blackout curtains -Watch 200 4-second videos inches from your face -Practice deep breathing

Instagram ads: Here’s the specific water bottle your were talking about yesterday and a sweater pre-selected in your favorite color 𝕏 ads: Here’s 9000 Cheech & Chong gummies and a promoted post from user TrumpsAmericaa420 that just says “the Jews”

Midsommar / Midwintar

“Climate change will manifest as a series of disasters viewed through phones with footage that gets closer and closer to where you live until you're the one filming it.”

this goes out to all the haters who said i don’t have range

This is now the most embarrassing thing JD has done on a couch

The half an avocado I cut open and tried to save for later

And Adam said unto Eve: “Family”

can’t imagine a worse last day on earth than meeting jd vance

Michael J. Fox has returned to acting to star in ‘SHRINKING’ Season 3.

but that’s their whole deal, that’s like america banning school shootings

i totally get it, it sucks when the known pedophile you helped elect isn’t grateful enough

finally took stock photos for “guy who just beat psoriasis” and/or “guy who loves lactose-free yogurt”

“I did not have sex with a couch, I had sex with a couch’s cushions”

Saw my friend on the sidewalk volunteering for Greenpeace, walked up behind him, smacked his back and said, “Get a job, hippie” (he has a job). Guys, it was NOT my friend, and he did not get the joke. So I’m heading to the sea now with rocks in my pockets, and yes I donated a lot