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we dead

Me to my children: I would kill and die for you Also me to my children: I AM NOT YOUR DAMN MAID AND WILL BURN ALL THE SHIT ON YOUR BEDROOM FLOORS IN A MASSIVE BONFIRE AND DANCE AROUND THE FLAMES IN GLORY AND RAGE

This is Sgt. Al Powell, who, even though primarily a desk cop, was integral in stopping a huge terrorist attack in LA in 1988. How many of you will care enough to retweet to honor his service??

Papa still can cook. Linda @SaltySeattle WaterStreet

61 % of white people in Alabama voted for a racist rapist, (don't know if he's racist or not, edjumacated guess) but hey, Alabama

A raven where the sun stays, basket with the chicken eggs, a crow in the chicken coop, foxes know where the hen lays NotAManAlive

Not a man alive when the sun dies, keep tilling fields til them oats cry, no bars can resurrect a man without a child and something

NotAManAlive Not a man alive without something else, gumbo and a daughters health, these things keep a dream alive.

rt when you see it

Caption this: #sexandtheanimals

If you wrote this you don't have a car and no you can't bum a cigarette.

Is it bad that when i hear helicopters i think theyre coming for me, and im like, i didnt do shit?

Cats are assholes. But you probably already know that.

Thanks, lowest rated President in HISTORY. x.com/realDonaldTrum…

No matter what day of the week it is if my family is home it smells amazing at 6pm Evelynn. The rest of the time, fucking cats.

PHAROAHE MONCH Time to head to the back crackler, :D. Seriously tho, competent massage mebbe?

My maby sis and my baby nepew @jackyjames91 😙 wish i was there love you guys!

Being in the sports broadcasting business for as long as he's been has allowed Jim Brockmire to rack up a good number of feuds. One sportscaster in particular, Joe Joe Buck, called in to set the record straight. -Lorenzo

The Elite 8 in the Bracket of Completely Random Things That Aren’t Related in Any Way. -curling -that actor you've seen in something else before -finding the remote -hoodies -diners -narwhals -the smell of sawdust -calling people "jive turkeys" #BracketOfRandomThings

Marrying Evelynn tomorrow, dont wish me luck, i got it all already!