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That's my boy! Thanks, Shomari! x.com/shomaristone/s…

Red Line is filled with people in Caps jerseys. Five hours before a game. In Vegas

Congratulations to Jay Beagle of the Washington Capitals as he becomes the first player in history to win the ECHL #KellyCup (Idaho 2007), the American Hockey League #CalderCup (Hershey 2010) and the NHL #StanleyCup (Washington 2018) #ALLCAPS 📷 NHL.com 📷 via Allen Pickard

Sure are! x.com/CorbinHiar/sta…

Seriously. It's a good cause! I just donated to Wikipedia. Support free knowledge! #iloveWikipedia donate.wikimedia.org/?utm_medium=So…

Wow. 12 years? And I thought I got in late... #MyTwitterAnniversary

Ikea email subject: Andrew, prepare your home for the holidays! Me, a GenXer: Don't tell me what to do.

The amount of things currently for sale on Craigslist is astounding. Nobody should be meeting up with strangers to buy used golf clubs right now.

We're at the season when your Amazon delivery photos look 🎃💀🦇

Had I known the security implications, I would have encouraged each of my children to give their first pet a more complex name.

That moment when you realize you have to stop waving your hands under the faucet because it isn't motion activated.

Dear Garbageman: I apologize for the advent of summer, the warmer temps it brings and my new baby. It's not going to be a good combo for you

2016: "So... do you want the phone without the headphone jack or the exploding one?"

Baby's first Caps game! Washington Capitals #capsisles

Are you even a parent if you don't have hundreds of videos of your kid being boring just after being completely adorable.

geez x.com/JapersRink/sta…

Dear God, no! x.com/businessinside…

All crew, Again, please do not insert unknown USB drives from random planets into computer ports on the Enterprise. Worf