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I told a group girls that they only like Adam Driver cuz he’s tall and famous but then they described to me what “ugly sexy” is…I finally know why I am so attracted to Jennifer Coolidge

In the new Antman movie, the quantum realm looks more like San Francisco than their version of San Francisco.

Dan Donohue headlines eventbrite.ca/e/cool-fun-sta… #localteam #ladream #cometocomedy #laughing #MountPleasant #Vancouver

Next time I go back to Turkey I can be like “Back on my Istanbullshit”

Buff guys look at skinny guys like how the Property brothers look at a fixer upper.

I hit a milestone recently and for some reason I still feel like I’m not good enough. Comparison is the thief of joy. I really wanna work on this.

Can’t win em all 🤷🏾‍♂️

Crashed at my friends place and this morning I work up to his French bulldog humping my leg

Didn’t sell alot of tickets on my last show but I broke even! I’ll take that as a win. I still appreciate the ones that came out and bought a ticket. I gave it 100% and I know they enjoyed the show.

I’m the Muslim in that video. 1. Thank you for sharing 2. Yes we’re just roommates 😂

You know that person in HS you rejected. They couldn’t handle the rejection so they kept calling you and calling you. Those kids grew up to be Gym Membership salesmen.

Atlanta is what Houston wanted to be

i ran away from home & dropped out of school when i was 14. my mom committed suicide when i was 16. i lived in a trap house for a few years. i watched my dad lose his life savings in the real estate crash in 2008. my family & i had to live off of whatever was on the

In the back of a comedy club, a struggling comedian got a chance to talk to Jerry Seinfeld. He said he’d been struggling and sacrificing for about 10 years to “make it” as a comedian. Approaching his 30s, he was worried he’d taken the wrong path. Seinfeld gave him this advice:

Full special out on YouTube! My next stand up shows! Link in bio 3/23 Santa Barbara 4/21 Detroit, MI 4/26 DC 4/28 NYC 5/4 Houston, TX 5/11 Austin, Tx 5/17 San Antonio, TX 5/24 Dallas, TX 5/31-6/1 Fort Worth, TX 7/16 Dublin 7/20 London

You never know #lunchmeat

“This is how Israelis feel…people enjoy knowing that they are suffering.”

Even tho it might be a skit, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen today 😭

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