The jokes I made at a Trump rally have been taken out of context to make me seem like a bad guy 😞

Would be tough for him to argue he's not a creep tbf

I'm seeing a ridiculous amount of jokes about Gary Barlow's massive son, and I just want to thank everyone, I'm really enjoying them, he's such a big boy isn't he

Feels like such a strange time to be doing stand up comedy, but the show must go on!

The real Gary Barlow's massive son is the friends we've made along the way

I fully recommend being shit at football. There's so much less pressure. I play 7 a-side every week and never improve. Must have given the ball away 20 times today. A mate shouted at me to stop backheeling it to no one and I just laughed. Same again next week, can't wait

If you took Cole Palmer's nose he'd get upset and ask for it back

Literally what is the point in being a referee if you can't get off your nut sometimes and call the managers cunts? Are they not allowed any fun? Game's gone

Didn't realise my dad knew about fesshole

Undertaker? I hardly Genoa

When god closes a door, he opens a window, to help with the air flow, because heaven has damp from all the clouds

I like to eat chicken with skin on. If I didn't have any skin on I'd be too busy screaming in pain to eat much of anything

World reknown super chef @sxckiki takes a break from Swingin Dick’s Big Fat Hog Kitchen to tell us about his top spots to nosh hot peng grubber. WICKED! #TopGrub #Food #Inheritance

Tom Jones sits in with Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young and cranks up "Long Time Gone" to eleven. You’ll never hear a more rockin’ version.

Tomorrow night Camden Comedy Club see Joz Norris Lou Taylor Andy Field Ben Pope Alex Bertulis-Fernandes and John-Luke Roberts trying new material! dice.fm/event/ryggmw-t…

Next Weeks Joke & Mirrors Headliner is the fantastic Andy Field! Join Host Dani Johns and some of Bristols' finest support from 8pm in the Smoke & Mirrors Theatre. Supporting acts are Alfie Dundas, David Jefferies and Kate McGann! Tickets from £7pp at smokeandmirrorsbar.com/tickets

Live Comedy this Monday Night with Headliner Andy from 8pm in the Smoke & Mirrors Theatre. Support from Alfie Dundas, David Jeffries and Kate McGann! *****- Voice Mag ****- The Skinny ****- Broadway Baby ****- Fest ****- Ed Fest Mag Tickets £7 smokeandmirrorsbar.com/tickets